Mother's Day and Picking Myself Back Up

Today is the day after Mother's Day. I went into the day with some anxiety- wondering if I would be remembered and appreciated, wondering what my step kids would be like, wondering if I could be kind to myself. As many of you know, I married a widower. His late wife died on Valentine's Day 5 years ago. Every Mother's Day since we married almost 3 years ago, they go to her grave (which is just a few minutes away). The first year, I bought flowers to bring to her grave and went with them. Last year I went with them again. This time I stayed back, but I felt awful. Why?

The more I dive into my thoughts and beliefs, the more I see that I have spent my life handing over my own validation to other people. I let them tell me who I am, what I am good at, and that I am worth loving. This pattern has brought a tremendous amount of pain, as people are generally wrapped up in their own lives and no matter how well-intentioned, cannot possibly meet every validity-seeking need.

I felt this keenly yesterday. I wanted my step-kids to acknowledge that I have taken on the roll of Mom for them and to thank me for what I do. I sought their validation. I sought the validation of my husband and although he DID try to make me feel special, in my needy state of mind, I wasn't really believing the things he did do. Sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself for being the second wife, coming behind someone who has been put up on a pedestal of perfection. How can I ever be loved as much as her, and why is this so HARD?

I see more than ever that this is my work to learn. I teach it, and I see the need for it. The person that needs to truly, deeply and consistently validate myself is ME. Practice giving it to myself instead of handing it to others and either not believing it, not getting "enough," or not liking the validation I am getting. I understand that this is the most important work I will ever do, and the more I practice it, the more opportunities will come up to challenge myself within it! I believe yesterday was one of those days that reminded me of what still needs some work, and that I still have a ways to go (which we ALL do as long as we have human brains!!).

Today I am resetting. Remembering that my worth is not tied to anyone's thoughts about me. I am my own beacon of light, courage and goodness and when I measure myself up against anyone, all I am doing is weakening myself. I'm sorry, self. That is not fair.

I share this today, the day after Mother's Day to encourage my readers to remember to center back into yourself. Fear will tell you you aren't quite lovable, but real faith, love and TRUTH will tell you you are exactly as you should be- an absolute masterpiece. So let's brush off the dust, put band-aids on scraped knees, stand up straight and keep moving forward as the magnificent people we are. One day at a time.