More On Feelings and What We Do With Them

I shared in a blog a couple of weeks ago some things about where feelings come from, and the importance of allowing them. Today I want to dive into what most of us do with feelings in hopes that it can help my readers identify within themselves what their go-to responses are. Awareness is HUGE! We can't really change anything in our lives until we are aware of what we are doing!! 

First things first- let me reiterate that feelings come from a thought. But sometimes the thought is so fast before an emotional response that we don't even know what the thought was. Also, thoughts that are believed for a long time become subconscious. They are just there and our brains recognize them as facts rather than simply optional thoughts. 

So let's say someone says something to you that brings up a thought like, "What is wrong with them!!??" You will most likely respond in one of three ways unless you are pretty good at processing feelings. 

1) Reacting. This looks like throwing things, yelling, blaming, stomping, hitting, screaming, etc. You get the idea. Your mind is trying to tell you it is completely someone else's fault that you are mad. 

2) Resisting. This looks like pushing away from the emotion. Imagine a blown up beach ball and trying to shove it under water. The more you push, the harder it will become to get that ball under the water. Or imagine trying with all your might to keep a door shut to an emotion you do not want to let in. 

3) Avoiding. This looks like numbing out the emotion. Rather than giving any attention at all to the emotion, you would eat, smoke, drink, gamble, play video games, or watch endless hours of Netflix. Anything to just not deal with it or actually feel it. 

While we all experience all of these responses at various times, we can have some we do more than others. Me? I can be a reactor. I'm really working on it. There is an alternative though-something we can do that actually allows the emotion to be felt and processed so it can move on. I imagine it like a rain cloud that comes in, need to allow some rain, lightens and moves on. No harm, right? We can allow the feeling to stay- identity the feeling, find where it is in your body, be curious about what thought created it, and it will lift. 

The better we get at allowing feelings and just sitting in them, the better we will get at feeling any emotion. Be the watcher of your thoughts. Be the watcher of your feelings. What are your predominant feelings? This gives you a big clue into what your driving, predominant thoughts are. What is your go-to response to feelings? 

I continue to do this work right along with my clients. Just like any new skill, it needs to be practiced until it becomes automatic to just feel your feelings. Just keep at it and you'll find yourself in a whole new emotional state, just by seeing what is going on and allowing whatever comes up. It is so powerful.