How People SHOULD Be

Most of us, through movies, tv, the homes we grew up in, or other social conditioning think people should behave a certain way. Our husbands should be helpful, say gushy wonderful things, and have good-paying jobs. Wives should cook good food, be loving, soft-spoken and kind, and should be adoring mothers. Kids should be obedient, respectful, and grow up to have good jobs, and call home once a week. The problem with all of these expectations is that when the expectations aren't met, we end up disappointed, believing something went wrong.

Have you ever purchased a new appliance and looked through the manual? It tells us what the appliance can do, and warns us of what we should not do if we want to keep it in good repair. We often have manuals for the people in our lives too. Sometimes a big fat one. We think they should do certain things (and not do other things), and if they don't they must be broken! 

I am so guilty of this and am learning to throw out the manual. I have noticed I even have a manual for myself! A good mother should...and good wife should....on and on it can go. I have had manuals for what marriage should look like, how my husband should respond to things I say and do, and certainly manuals for my kids and what they should and should not do. 

Do you have manuals for the people in your life? What would happen if you threw it out? I'll tell you what I have noticed as I practice this. The more I let go of what I think SHOULD be and instead look for what IS, I notice things that I could not even see before because I was so concerned with the things I thought were missing. For example, my husband is sometimes not the most verbal person when it comes to communicating his feelings. I have fretted and stewed over this but when I let him just be who he IS, guess what happens? I notice that while he might not say certain things, he DOES many, many things that communicate his feelings. He is his own wonderful self, just as he is. He doesn't need to change for me to feel loved. I can let go of that manual and just enjoy being married to him. 

What about children? Does this mean we should have no expectations of them? No! It means we allow them to be who they are, teach them and guide them, hold them accountable, but without all the drama of thinking they should be different. Why is it a problem to think someone should be different than they are? Because they ARE what they are. They ARE making the choices they are making. So no complaining, whining or yelling will change anything. Instead, throw out that manual and observe how the people in your life actually operate. What if there is a whole hidden world in there you could not see before because all you were doing was reading that manual and not looking up at what is actually in front of you?

It is so liberating to think we can toss out what society tells us things "should" be and just allow relationships to naturally grow and unfold without forced expectations and requirements. What relationships do you think could benefit from tossing out the manual? How do you think those relationships could change if you were able to accept those you love as exactly who they are, today? I am so much happier as I lean more and more into this concept and toss the manual out the window. Try it out. Experiment with it and see what you learn about those you love. You may be surprised!