When Life Goes Full Circle

Sometimes I marvel at my life and all I have experienced in my 41 years. From the very beginning of my life, it was game on. I was born 6 weeks early, and two days after I was born my dad, a pilot, crashed a small plane in the mountains of Montana and died. He left behind my mom, older sister and older brother. My mom felt her best support system was in California where they had lived prior to Montana. (They were both born and raised in Montana however), so when I was 3 months old we moved to California.

Two years later my mom got remarried to a guy who seemed great on paper but ended up being quite abusive. My mother left that marriage after 3 years, and two years later was married again to a man with two daughters from a previous marriage. They wanted a fresh start, so we moved to Oregon. In Oregon my two little brothers were born, and we did the hard work of blending a family. It was rough for several years. Kids not wanting to be around each other, parents learning to be step-parents, and all of us really craving love and support after the hard years we had already experienced.

Included in my childhood were the years spent with no electricity or running water, several moves, and learning how to work hard on the property my parents bought. 

When my now husband first contacted me (confession- we met online!),  I saw that he was from Montana and instantly felt at least somewhat comfortable talking with him since Montana holds a special place in my heart. We dated for just over two years before deciding to marry. We both had some heartache and grief to work through before we felt ready to jump into a new life together. We decided it would be best for me to move my own 6 children to Montana, and our new life began. 

Although blending families is no joke, I feel I have been prepared for the life I now have since birth. Having been a step-daughter, I know how I want to treat all of my step-children and have a pretty good sense of what they need. Having lost a parent, I can relate in some ways to all 11 of my children who have all lost a parent. I never had the traditional "father, mother, daughter, son" type family. 

And I am back in Montana. This part just makes me laugh. I came back to right where I started even though I was only here for 3 months after I was born. I live across the street from a wonderful man who graduated high school with my dad- they went all the way from kindergarten to graduation together (a great story for another day how we discovered this fun fact). 

It's taken quite a bit of "life" to be where I am at. But you know what? I am grateful for ALL of it. I have so many rich, meaningful experiences to draw on. I have a great relationship with my step-dad (who I have always called Dad). And now I have 5 more wonderful children to love on and a husband I adore, living in the state where it all started for me. 

Why share this story? When we are right in the thick of hard things, it can be difficult to see WHY. Sometimes trials seem downright cruel. But what if all the trials are way bigger than us? What if the very event of my dad dying when I was a baby pushed me right into the life I needed to become who I am? Don't get me wrong- I miss my dad. I have no memory of him and I miss him. I love him and know he has watched over me my whole life. But I would not have the relationships I do with all the wonderful people in my life- all of my siblings both step, full and half, my wonderful step-dad and his entire family- if his death did not occur. I would not have the understanding of the complexity of family relationships without all of the experience early on in life. 

Life is a series of events that can sometimes seem pointless. We give them meaning when we can allow them to serve us. How can your trials be a blessing for you? What if it was intended all along that you experienced every single thing you have? What if you are much stronger than you think, and are being trusted with some hard things for a greater purpose? I believe this. What if someone is needing YOU because of your unique experiences to help them along on their journey? 

Some questions to ask yourself (and answer!) are:

How was that perfect for me? 

How were my parents the exact parents I needed? 

How have I grown from that experience? 

Who have I become because of that experience? 

How is this working for me? 

If you look, deeper meaning is found in trials. It is where we are stretched, pushed, and shaped. It is where we are born. 

Photo: My Dad, Tom Clavin, age 18