So...How Are YOU Feeling?

Most of us grew up not knowing how to express feelings, and some of us may have not even been allowed to. In my home, I was often told I was "too sensitive," so I often stuffed things down until I couldn't take it anymore and then would just BLOW. Mom, you reading this? :) That habit was carried into my first marriage, and is dying off here in my second marriage thanks to finally learning HOW to process my feelings.

So, what actually is a feeling? Here's what it is. It's a vibration in your body caused by a thought. We think a thought, and then have a chemical response to it which creates a physical vibration in our body. It is different from physical pain or other physical sensations such as being cold, hungry, or having a headache- those come from our body and are then sent to our brain whereas a feeling starts in the brain and travels to our body.

Did you know you can create whatever feeling you want? Let's say you want to feel confident. To feel the feeling of confidence, you have to find and grab onto a thought that brings up a feeling of confidence such as, "I am the exact right person for this job," or, "I am smart enough to figure this out."

What about negative feelings? Should we just change our thoughts and push them away? Nope. We are here to experience both positive and negative emotions. So when we have a negative emotion that makes us uncomfortable, first, we can identify what the feeling actually is. Is it sadness, loneliness, fear, or anger (or any other number of options)? Name it, find where it is in your body, and step into it. Get to know it. The more we become familiar with ALL emotions, the more confidence we build in knowing we can handle ANYTHING. After all, we don't actually want riches and happy marriages and success just to have them- we want what we imagine they will make us FEEL. In contrast, it's not the speaking in public, the fight with our spouse, or the lack of money that makes us feel bad- it's how they make us feel.

The second thing to do is once the heavy feeling has subsided, go back and look at what thought created it in the first place. Can you find it? It is difficult to change a thought right in the middle of an emotional response, but when we learn what thought caused it, next time that thought shows up, you can decide to change it to something more productive before your feelings get involved. Once we have an emotional response, it means we are believing the thought. Be an observer of your thoughts, watch what you are latching onto emotionally, and make deliberate choices of what you WANT to think and feel. BOOM! This is power.

I invite you to take at look at how you process feelings. Have you ever learned how? What is your go-to response to a strong, negative emotion? I would love to hear about it!

Would you like more help diving into processing your feelings? Click this link to schedule a FREE mini-session with me. https://calendly.com/andreagilescoaching