The 50/50 Rule and WHY It Matters

Were you taught as a child that if you made the "right" choices, you would be happy as an adult, or that life would be smooth sailing if you picked good things? I don't remember ever being told those actual words, but it was certainly implied. I remember as a teenager thinking that if I stayed out of trouble and married the "right" guy, I would have a happy, fairly trouble-free life. Turns out I was wrong. And am I glad I was!

In my coaching practice I teach a principle called the "50/50" rule. What this means is that life is intended to be 50% positive emotion and 50% negative emotion. This does NOT mean that 50% will be "bad" events happening and 50% "good" events. It means we are here to experience ALL the parts of being human, and to me this is very good news. Why?

We can get so caught up in thinking something went wrong when we are feeling a negative emotion that we pile more and more negativity on top of the first initial negative emotion. For example, let's say you deal with anxiety. You feel the anxiety, and then on top of the anxiety you are judging yourself for feeling the anxiety, you fear the judgment of others around your anxiety, and this sends you into a full on panic attack.

Now, let's back track. You feel some anxiety. Instead of adding any additional negative emotion on top of it, you choose to think instead, "Yep, there's that anxiety again." You can open your mind to what might be causing the emotion of anxiety in the first place. You can choose to sit in it rather than avoid it. You can think, "Here's that 50% percent again (I actually think that thought often)." You can allow it, and watch it flutter away rather than intensifying it with layered emotions.

When we get ahold of our thinking and recognize that it's ok to feel negative emotion, something magical happens. It becomes less negative. It becomes less intense and more like a flutter in our body rather than an intense, knock-you-out emotion. We aren't afraid of it. If we feel more like 70% negative and 30% positive emotion, it may be time to do some good thought work to understand what you are creating for yourself in your thoughts.

Now, why am I grateful life is not what I thought it was? Because it is so much more. My life is so much richer because of the very intense experiences and emotions I have experienced. I love being a human, and that I get this one life. I love that I can experience grief and sadness, and also extreme peace and joy. And truly, without the one, the other would lose its power. There is much to learn in both places. I also love that I don't have to feel panicked if I feel negative emotion. I don't have to overthink, fret and worry.

So, the next time you feel some negative emotion, understand it's part of the deal. Nothing has gone wrong. You are here, having your own, unique human experience. It's just part of that 50/50. It's all good.